Helping Teen Athletes Thrive: Shifting Our Approach to Support Their Journey

As parents, coaches, and mentors, we all want the best for our young athletes. We dedicate time, energy, and resources to help them succeed. But in our pursuit of excellence, are we unintentionally making the journey more difficult for them?

Children don’t just need opportunities—they need the right kind of support. If we want them to develop resilience, independence, and true passion for their sport, we have to step back and allow them to take ownership of their journey. Here’s how we can better support them along the way.

1. Play Freely

Have you ever noticed a young player glancing at the sidelines after every mistake? Hesitating before making a play? Playing tight instead of having fun? That’s because they feel like they’re constantly being evaluated—by coaches, parents, and peers.

If every game feels like Judgment Day, the joy of playing disappears. Our kids need space to love the game again. They don’t need constant feedback. They need the freedom to play, make mistakes, and learn without the weight of expectations crushing them.

Encourage them. Cheer them on. But let them play for themselves, not for validation.

2. Own Their Journey

We say we want our kids to love the game, but do we actually let them own it?

• Who decided what sport they play?
• Who decided which team they tried out for?
• Who decided how often they train?
• Who decided what success looks like?

Nothing kills passion faster than feeling like you have no control over your own journey. Let them drive the boat. Encourage them to choose their sport, their level of commitment, and their personal goals. Whether they play for fun, competition, or dreams of the big leagues, it should be their choice.

Part of owning their journey means that the sport should feel like their own, not something micromanaged by parents. Watching every practice, commenting on every move, and constantly critiquing them does not give kids the independence to develop their passion. It doesn’t allow them the space to mature in a way that prepares them to handle life.

When they learn to navigate challenges on their own, they build the resilience and self-confidence needed for the real world.

3. Struggles Build Strength

It’s natural to want to help when we see our child struggling. We step in. We correct. We sign them up for extra lessons. But what message does that send?

“You’re not good enough to figure this out on your own.”

If we always rescue them, they’ll never learn they can rescue themselves. Struggle isn’t something to be avoided—it’s a critical part of growth. When they work through challenges on their own, they build resilience, problem-solving skills, and confidence that will carry them far beyond sports.

Not getting equal playtime? Instead of stepping in to advocate for them, teach them how to advocate for themselves. Coaches are the professionals who make the calls. If they want more playing time, they need to take responsibility and ask their coach what they need to improve to move up in the lineup. Learning how to self-advocate—asking questions, taking feedback, and applying it—is one of the most valuable skills they can develop.

This is how they grow. This is how they learn to handle challenges, not just in sports but in life.

4. Focus on the Present

“You need to work on this if you want to make varsity.”
“If you’re serious about playing D1, you have to put in extra hours.”
“You’ll never make the National Development Program  if you don’t step it up.”

These statements may come from a place of encouragement, but they can also take the joy out of the present moment. When we constantly focus on what’s next, we pull them away from what’s now.

The best way to build future success is to stay in the present. When kids are engaged, excited, and improving today, they naturally put themselves in a position for opportunities down the road.

5. Fun in the Game

They used to run out the door for practice. Now, they have to be dragged.

At some point, the game stopped feeling like play and started feeling like work. That shift can drain passion faster than anything else.

Kids need rest. They need balance. They need time to miss the game. Rest isn’t quitting—it’s refueling. If we want them to stick with sports for the long run, we have to ensure that it stays fun.

6. Safe Space

Perhaps the most important role we play in our child’s sports experience is being their safe space.

Win or lose, they need to know that their value doesn’t change based on their performance. They should never feel like they are loved more when they win and less when they lose. But too many kids do.

Be the one person they can count on. The one who makes them feel supported, no matter the outcome. Because at the end of the day, their development—both as an athlete and as a person—is what truly matters.

Fruit for Thought

Sports can be an incredible tool to build grit, confidence, and resilience. But for that to happen, kids need ownership of their experience.

Encourage them to love the game, not just play it. Let them struggle, let them choose, let them own their journey.

Most importantly, when challenges arise, let them be the ones to figure out how to improve and advocate for themselves. Learning to ask coaches for guidance and putting in the effort to improve are life lessons that go beyond sports.

They don’t need us to micromanage. They need us to support them.

And guess what? Maybe our kids’ passions and interests won’t always line up with our favorite team. Maybe we need to let go of making their sport our social time. Maybe we need to stop treating youth sports like our private country club and remember that the goal isn’t to fit in with a group of parents—it’s to raise strong, independent kids who can navigate life on their own terms. Ask yourself this: “Would you rather have your kids grow up to be independent and successful in life and you rarely see them, or would you want to see them every day but they will always fully depend on you?”

When we step back and let them take the lead, we don’t just build better athletes—we build stronger, more resilient kids who are ready to take on whatever life throws their way.

Anika Charron – GPK